You know when you're getting ready to travel somewhere and the weeks leading up to your departure date seem to drag on like a slug in the sand? Well, yeah. That's me right now and it's really freaking annoying. The weird thing is that my time left in Exmouth is not going slowly because I necessarily want to go home, but rather because I know it's almost over. The months have flown by. Yes, months... that's how quickly it has gone. It feels like only a week ago that I actually arrived here, but lo and behold, it's actually almost time to leave.
I don't want to rant on about how much fun I've had here, or how much I've grown and become a better person and blah blah blah. No one cares about that. Not in a depressing 'no one cares about my life or accomplishes, wah wah wah' but rather in a practical 'no one actually gives two shits about how amazing my time has been because I'm the one having an amazing time and they are the ones who get to read about it and sulk because I've been off in a foreign place living life to the fullest and everything seems so amazing.' Basically, I don't want to up-play my experiences and make others feel like they are not living to their fullest potentials. Besides, I'm the one who really benefits from my experiences, whereas others may feel some sort of happiness for my life experiences, I do not intend on giving every strenuous detail, because really, I already know how much I've gained and I don't need anyone's approval or support of how my summer has gone. So, to spare you the boring details, it was bloody awesome. I'm only using the word 'bloody' because I think more of my British host mom wore off on me than I thought.
Why am I even writing this post? It's not to boast and it's not to complain. I think I'll set my intention as the desire to share with my friends and family where I'm at in life. Secretly, if I'm being honest, I sat down to write this at 3:52 in the afternoon on July 24th the day after I decided to watch an entire season of Riverdale because my brain felt like it needed to do something that took a little more thought.
After that obnoxious introduction, I'm ready to begin my update. It's July 24th (as previously mentioned) and I will be 21 for two more days. Let me tell you, 21 is not all it's cracked up to be. If you're younger than the big two-one, then keep your expectations low and your alcohol tolerance even lower. In all seriousness, this year for me was a whorl-wind, no, a hurricane followed by a tsunami and then eventually after some rain it turned into a rainbow. Basically it was crazy and nothing that I was prepared to handle. Those of you reading this already know that shortly after my 21st birthday, only a month in at my first "big-girl" teaching job, I had to resign, take a leave from school and move to Oregon for four months to get treatment for anorexia. Holy hell, what a dramatic shift for my life. That meant I had to put off graduating in the Spring of 2018 with my MA. That meant staying in San Francisco for at least another semester. That meant quitting work at one of my favorite San Francisco schools. But homies, let me tell you, I would not be in the same place I am right this very second had I decided to stay in San Francisco in the Fall of 2017. I may very well be dead if I hadn't made those difficult decisions.
As for the eating disorder, it hasn't magically disappeared, as most mental illnesses don't. However, it's heaps better and easier to live with. I will occasionally seek out images that remind me of how miserable I once was and how terrible I let myself get. I remember how I felt in those pictures and I think of how I felt then while looking at the body that held those thoughts. I look at my body now and I think of how easy it feels to be happy with myself. I'm going to say this loud and I'm going to say it proud, I am fucking wonderful and could care less about how the hell my body looks (well at least today). Not everyday feels this easy, but most days I don't hate myself. I don't need to be better or look better than anybody else because there's not a single person on this Earth that has my perfect body. I have my perfect body and I'm the only one who needs to live with it. The point is, is that I have found a calm within myself about myself that I haven't felt in a long time. I am great and it really doesn't matter much if someone thinks I'm less great based on the size of my jeans or the genes that I was given. I'm sorry. I told you I wasn't going to drag on about my experiences, but I didn't warn you about my introspection. And I take that back, I'm not sorry, if you're reading this, then you're welcome.
Alright, that should cover eating disorder. It's still there, not all days are great, but I'm 92% better than I was a year ago.
Onto school and work. Because of my life changing decisions to take a leave of absence and resign from my previous teaching job, I will be graduating this December with my MA and will be teaching second grade this school year. My kinder babes last year were precious and I loved starting the year with them, but let me be real with you, TEACHING IS NO JOKE!!! It is challenging; emotionally and physically draining. However, the smiles, hugs, laughs, hard work, and determination that I see in my students makes being in the classroom so incredibly rewarding. This year, as a 22 year old, I'll be co-teaching a second grade classroom of girls at a beautiful private school in San Francisco. It will be tough, no doubt, but I'm looking forward to it whole-heatedly.
And lastly, Exmouth, Western Australia. I've thought about au pairing since I first became aware of it's existence (around 4 years ago). Watching kids AND traveling, what could be better?!? Almost nothing in my book... I decided that this summer would be the summer to take it by the horns. I began my search for a host family in mid-January and found an amazing fit sometime in February. I didn't decide on a family until February because I really didn't know if this was something I 100% wanted to do, as I had just gotten out of treatment and thought I might have needed more support in the coming months. But because I'm crazy and sometimes make spontaneous decisions, I said what the hell and confirmed my placement with a family. Bada-bing, bada-boom a few months later and I'm in the smallest town in the most remote place in Australia. Welcome to the outback! I've spent the last few months looking after an energetic, strong-willed, and loving little girl who just had her third birthday. I somehow ended up with the best host family in this tiny town. Seriously though, I've heard horror stories about crazy families!!! I will genuinely miss this family and the few other aupairs that I've become good mates with.
I think I'm done writing now. I've done the things, I've seen the stuff, I'm excited to see what craziness 22 will bring.
